"Larger Than Yourself" and Embedded Service to Others

When was the last time that you put yourself in an uncomfortable social environment? For most of us, these are situations that we actively try to avoid. Uncomfortable situations make us, well, uncomfortable. It is difficult to feel like we don’t belong, are not included, don’t fit in. At the same time, discomfort can be a sign of growth and learning. By being in uncomfortable situations, one must develop coping strategies and skills that allow us to adapt, exist, and perhaps even thrive in these situations. It might feel like a difficult process, but growth is the very essence of life. To live, we must grow. When we stop growing, we start to stagnate. Or worse, regress. 

Thibault Manekin has a habit of putting himself into uncomfortable situations of the extraordinary kind. In his new book Larger than Yourself, he chronicles the various moments in his life where seeking the uncomfortable was the path to not only his growth, but increased opportunities for others. He chronicles his early childhood, when his mother ends up under psychiatric care and his would visit her in the hospital. He speaks of her recovery, through which the family unit grew together. He tells about how she subsequently invited a homeless man to live in their home. He talks about how what many would think of as an uncomfortable situation helped him grow as a person. As part of the PeacePlayers, he speaks of travelling to South African townships to try to bring basketball as a tool of racial reconciliation. He recalls his current involvement in his hometown of Baltimore, where he and his father created economic and educational opportunities in the most economically hard-hit parts of the city through their company Seawall Development.

At the heart of each of these stories is the rebellion against those who warn “You can’t,” “You shouldn’t,” or tell him “No.” Using these phrases as a guidepost, they let him know when he is not pushing hard enough to do something truly revolutionary. If there is no pushback or words of discouragement, whatever you are trying to do is probably too easy to begin with. When someone tells him that he can’t go into these situations, that what he is trying to do is not possible, that it is foolish to try, he knows that he is on the right track.  

While perhaps laudable, such an approach can easily become misguided. Putting oneself into uncomfortable situations can easily become self-serving. Such an approach can slip into a person using others to feel growthful and like a thrill seeker. Rather than being there to work with others, those others simply are objects to be used for one’s own benefit. Thus, it becomes important to see people as not serving your needs, but rather how you can serve theirs. What are the things that they see as important, and in what ways can you help make those wishes a reality.  

To embed the action into impact, it becomes more important to align the idea with the desires and goals of those in the setting. We have to build and make change from the inside out, getting input from the various stakeholders that exist in the space in which we are seeking to make a difference.  

Oxford Mills, Baltimore

This means a rebalancing of power, whether it be in an organization, an institution, or a community. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. The question becomes how to make people more equal in the relationship. While a CEO and a janitor may have different roles and responsibilities, they are not unequal in their tasks. Sanitation workers, not physicians, would have curtailed the plague. Physicians could perhaps treat the symptoms. Sanitation workers could remove the causes. Thus, each has a role to play that is not any less important than the other. Ultimately each has a perspective to add and value to contribute. Organizations and leaders need to do better to make that possibility a reality.  

To boil it down into a phrase, we might say, “Purpose over Profit.” Purpose is definitely becoming an overused word. However, its overuse doesn’t negate its importance. Purpose speaks to something larger than ourselves. Thibault is fond of the Zulu saying Ubuntu, which means “I am because we are.” What we are and how we are as individuals, then, has to be more than about just ourselves. It speaks to a purpose of community and connection, of service and support, of meaning and not money. Thibault’s journey chronicled in his book Larger than Yourself shows us through his example of how to turn these ideas into realities. Whether or not that happens is up to each of us.